Desiring to be Great

When have I: 1. wrongly pursued greatness, 2. neglected to pursue greatness, and rightly pursued the Hope of His Calling? Who does the Lord say that I am? What is the Hope of His Calling on my life? When has/is Jesus invited me into complete obedience (time, money, eating habits, speech, eyes, etc)?

This is a journal assignment due on Thursday. I am excited about this because if the Lord is constantly speaking (espically about me!), its going to be a time to recast vision for me and where He sees me going. I won’t have to submit this entry, but I still want to do it. I kind of do better with some pressure on me in order to get something done, so I like the challenge.

Sometimes we mistake this longing as a pursuit of pride and conclude that we must repent of this. But we do not have to apologize for this desire as long as it lines up with God’s definition of greatness and sucess.” S.S. Kim.  As much as it is in a boy to play “guns” and horse around, so is the desire for greatness in the human DNA.  It’s ok to desire to be great, but are we, am I, looking for approval from family, friends, co-workers, or do I desire God to affirm me in my greatness?

Matthew 20. 26-27 says, “Whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant, and whoever desires to be first among you let him be your slave”

Oh to be called “Great in His Kingdom” if it means becoming least while here on earth for my momentary life.

Sermon on the Mount

I am helping assist a class these next three weeks.  It’s going to be interesting. The first set of notes is called “Invitation for All to Be Great in Jesus’ Kingdom: Pursuing a Life of Complete Obedience“.  I mean seriously, how can your heart not be moved with a title like that?

I have been wrestling over some things the past few weeks, and I feel like the Lord will bring things up early on to show us how we deal with things, and then in time and His Kindness, shows us how he wants us to deal with things.  I feel like this class will help me settle some issues that keep me in tension.  The SOTM was the “Ah-Ha” moment for the Jews. They had been following the Law because that was required of them for years, but when Jesus started talking about the inner workings of the Heart, He was sharing with them what He really meant some 2000 years ago. 

I am excited to search out the Word and see what Jesus wants to show me these next few weeks, and beyond.

thoughts

RESPECT was written by a man. Aretha Franklin sang it, allowing women to say they need respect too, but actually when we, as women,  express why we need respect, it is Love we are longing for . God didn’t mess it up when he said Husbands love your wives, wives respect your husbands.

“All you need is love“- this is a scary statement. Love is the ultimate emotion. But if God is Love, then you look at what that Love consists of: law, boundaries, single-hearted devotion (dove’s eyes), righteous jealousy, meekness. These are just some of the characteristics of God.

Love & Respect have taken on some misguided information.  Men, at the end of the day when all you did was love, I am sure you want some respect for your devotion to Love, because it is your natural bent. Women, this would be the best thing- to Love. Such an amazing character of God that is natural in us for others experience, but such destruction to those who love without boundaries.

For Christians, Love is a command- men and women- 1st & 2nd commandment. But I don’t think these have to be hard ones to follow. The more we are made into His image, the more we become like Him- in all we do, say, think, feel.  Especially the desire to be righteous. There are boundaries, laws, in place so that we become like Him. He will not leave us alone to fend for ourselves to become like Him, but He will make Himself known to those who desire it.

Love & Respectt are a great gift to have naturally in each gender, and we also have the capability to do both to love and respect our spouses, friends, family, stranger. There is no reason not to, right?  For we are made in His image, reflecting His image, from glory to glory, strength to strength, faith to faith…

Thoughts on Haiti

Below is a email I wrote to my mom on Sunday concerning Haiti.

Mom, last week when the earthquake happened in Haiti, I didn’t really answer you question too well. I wanted to email you a more thorough response.

While Haiti is known for being the poorest country on our planet, there has been a lot of talk for it also being a nation that sold itself to the devil to be free from the French enslaving them.  You can check out Bois Caiman for what was documented for what took place in 1791.

Also, Government is set in place as leadership over a nation and country. When the government or Leader(s) of a country set certain laws or allows certain things to occur on its soil, the responsibility is on their sholders.  If the Government/leaders set the tone for a nation, they reap the rewards(positive or negative) of their decissions. In the US we pray that Godly laws are established and vote according to our convictions, but the majority vote wins, and this can either be good for those living in  a city, state, country, or have a negative effect for the people who live in the affected area.

I say all this because in Haiti, the government allows vodou to be practiced in that country and as Christians we are praying that they would become a nation and country that Fears Lord Almighty, and desires to joined to Jesus. But According to Wikipedia, While it is said that the  Haitian popultation is 80% Chrisitan, (Haiti population is 10 million, 8 million say  they are Christian), it is recognized that half of the haitian population practices Vodou, that’s 5 million men, women, and children, which does not recognize Jesus, Father or Holy Spirit.

We have prayed for Haiti the last two weeks, and continue to pray for the country and nation, in every way possible. Many people say this is a consequence for their actions many years ago. Some say this is judgment from  God.

As for what I believe and what I feel like the Lord is doing, I feel like natural disasters are a wake-up call to a city, nation, country. A quote I have heard said is “God will uses the least severe means to reach the greatest number of people, at the deepest level of love without violating anyone’s free will”.
God longs for relationship with people-every single one of them. And throughout the Bible God would create and allow natural disasters, as well as war, to grab the attention of Israel, and other people (Gentiles), and His message was clear, “repent from your wicked ways, turn to me with all your heart, and you will be saved”.

So if you apply these things to Haiti, they are suffering from an earthquake that has left hundreds of thousands people without food, water, and life. The question isn’t “Why did this happen God? Are you judging a country/nation?” But ask Him “What are you saying through this? What are you wanting to do through this?”

I believe there is a spiritual battle going on, and the Lord’s Eyes are on Haiti, and He is wanting them to accept Jesus as their Savior and let Him be their Leader in every aspect of their lives.

I also believe that the earthquake in Haiti was the Mercy of the Lord (He actually withholds judgment even though we deserve it). There were many people who died- moms, dads, children, government leaders, politicians, waitresses, taxi drivers, etc. BUT some people who died were evil men who sold women and children in to prostitution/human trafficking. Some were politicians were corrupt and allowed illegal things to happen to keep that country in poverty. Some women died who enslaved orphans… we have no idea what was going on down there.

 But His Mercy is that many people were spared, and Jesus is sitting next to the Father interceding for peoples hearts to turn to God in their weakness. His mercy is that many people will come to know Jesus through this terrible experience.

This is also a wake-up call to everyone. In Isaiah 40, it  talks about how life is but a vapor-a moment- a blip; average of 70 years. It is short, and to Christians, God has asked that we live our lives under the LIfestyle He gave us in the Bible, and our human body to live out those 70 yrs and then spend eternity, forever, with Him. And to non-christians, 70 years is just a life lived, wondering what they are to do with themselves and filling it with surface-leveled, meaningless things thinking it makes them happy.

Natural Disasters help humans check their hearts and see what it is we really believe. Haiti is on the Lord’s heart right now, and it is a time to pray and ask the Lord to move in that place, and that revival would break out in that land. It’s also a time for the Church, Believers in Jesus, to step up and live out what  God called us to do- spread the Gospel, feed the poor, love on the unloved. 

So, these are my thoughts on Haiti. And these are the things that we are praying for, as a community, at IHOP.  We are praying for relief workers, orphanages, supplies, drs, the government… check out www.criout.com for some updates if you can. IHOP Has partnered with CRI and are committed to help in the midst of crisis.

end email.____________________

There is nothing impossible for God Almighty. He is the Creator of all things, knowing the motivations of men and women, and knowing the movement of the Earth. Nothing is hidden from Him and He is not surprised by any of this. God is not an Angry God, who punishes us every time we mess up. But He opens up His hands to receive anyone who will call upon His name for salvation.

Image and Yarn

This morning as I was meditating on God’s measurement for rewards. Two verses that I read were 1 Sam 16, where God tells Samuel that He looks at man’s heart, and the Widow’s mite, Mark 12.41-44.

God doesn’t look so much at how much we do, but what we do with what we’ve got“. A friend wrote that as she was going over this as well.  As I read this, a picture of a ball of yarn popped into my head.

I started thinking about how it’s obnoxious when a ball/roll of yarn gets unraveled, then you have to roll it back up. It is a mess, not so pretty like it’s original state.  And the whisper of God said, “it’s still yarn. It still serves its purpose.” And I thought, “No… well, it’s a mess, it was perfect when it was first rolled up.”

I started making the connection because this morning I realized how much self-condemnation I live in. I especially look at how I spend my time. If I spent it more wisely, I would be more godly, if I am more godly, I am getting changed. But self-condemnation comes when I strive for more of me working then God working in me. How much of our “working things out” is for personal gain and how much is for being transformed into His image? I can’t gauge it for others, but I know that some of my motivations are for personal gain and not for Jesus. I am probably more hard on myself than I should be.  But there is  good news.

He then said, “Leah, you are still created in my image, you are still lovely to Me, and I can still use you.”

I broke down, and thought about how short our time is. How a flower is only enjoyed for a moment in a day and then it dies. Isaiah 40 says we are like grass fading away. But it is still enjoyable for a moment.

Prophetically, when He gives us pictures, He is using a language that is familiar to us to convey His heart and encourage us. I will be an unraveled ball of yarn for a while, but I am grateful that I will never lose my function as an image-barer of Christ.

what am I doing

Today I was ministering in the prophecy rooms. This blog is my journey throught he prophetic and so if a reader doesn’t understand, ask the Lord and He will give you ears to hear.

We brought the first three people in. Some mornings are hard and you have to “warm-up” (it’s kind of funny to think we need to be warmed-up to hear God). This was one of those mornings. As I was asking the Lord about a lady in the room, I felt a specific scripture impressed on my heart. I read it and thought, “how am I supposed to tell her that?!” As I asked some questions to Holy Spirit, He gently guided me to the thought of, “She isn’t supposed to do what her fathers did, because like Jeremiah’s day, they didn’t obey the Lord. She is to follow the Lord and obey Him as He directs her path.”

Jesus told some people at one point to forsake your mother and father, and let the dead bury the dead. And I felt like the Lord was saying the same thing to her; to not let her circumstances dictate her future. In a round -about way, I said the idea of what God gave me, but I didn’t say the strong impression that I had at first.

So, “What am I doing?” My delima in delivering a word is, do we have to say all that we hear, or do we just say part? I got the revelation, but my interpretation and application of the word, to me and my knowledge, was terrible. I fumbled over my words to try and convey what I was feeling/seeing and couldn’t get it out without thinking this woman could think I was correcting and directing her, which is what I told them we don’t do.

So, I am left with a humbled heart, that God would want to speak to me about someone, and when we are off, how much he loves us and desires for us to draw closer to Him, not feel ashamed. Today helped me to cling to Him more because I didn’t want to get in the way of what He was doing.

Rememberance

I have been thinking about how I got here. “HERE”: IHOP, Kansas City, physically- but also spiritually. How could someone from a broken home living in small town south of San Jose, CA, in a non-christian home be an intercessory missionary in Kansas City, MO? I ask this question often, only to answer it with thanksgiving in my heart and praise on my lips, trusting His sovereignty. He has plucked me from hell, and He is wanting others to turn and come to trust Him.

HERE from THERE. My first memory of going to church was when I was between 5-8 years old. My catholic Grandma Yoli took my sister and I to a service. I remember coloring in children’s church, and it was most likely Jesus smiling or something.

When I was 10 we moved from Los Gatos, CA to Austin, TX- one silicon valley to another because Austin was changing into a mini-San Jose in reference to computer technology. When I was 13 I received Jesus into my life on St. Patrick’s Day,  and it has changed everything.

I didn’t have very many friends growing up and often I would spend the weekends at home and mostly in my room. I would try and read the Bible, but didn’t get it. I didn’t understand how Israel was involved today either, but I couldn’t get past it. The Bible didn’t make sense because I didn’t know Israel’s role. I didn’t grow up knowing church politics, but I also didn’t get how the church body functioned. It was 6 years of having wantings, and yearnings being growing within me.

I would find myself searching for understanding. What did glory mean? What did it have to do with us? Holy? what is that? Why did Jesus say we had to be holy like him? “I thought we were nothing like him”. Righteous?! what is that all about? I would go on these word searches, having no vision as to why being these would be a good thing in my life. But I learned to the best of my ability and new it was for something. I did “right” things because I wanted to be a good person and obey the Bible. I had no idea how those little moments in my life were laying a foundation within me.

When I moved to Minnesota, the same yernings were going through me of wanting more of God. I realized that I was not satisfied with my community in TX and “ there had to be more to Christianity than this“.  Moving to MN opened the doors of my heart to receive “the more” that God had for me. (I am grateful for my church though- it was very important in my walk with the Lord.)

I am blessed. I have been given the gift of Hunger ( Matt 5) and the Lord has been filling me. It is truly amazing how much He desires to meet us, if only we would ask for Him to come and help us to receive what He has for us. I don’t know if people like what He asks us to do so that we can receive Him though. That’s where people get offended because they are not willing to compromise and straight up repent of sin so that Jesus would visit/indwell within us. I am generalizing, but I know there is truth in it.

I remember sitting on my bed at night, 13 years old, taking the repentant message seriously. “God, I know I have sinned, but I just don’t know what I did. I am human, so there is sin inside of me. So what ever I did wrong, please forgive me.” I may have prayed that prayer for 6 or 7 years, before I even know what I was saying or what I was doing. Before I could recognize the “sin of the heart”, you know, the sermon on the mount and the things Jesus shared with us that even anger in our hearts is murder to God, I thought that being a “good person” was all that there was. But I am learning there are heart issues that need to be checked. If they aren’t checked, the of course the outward appearance is good. But God looks at the heart- that what He told Samuel in 1 Samuel about choosing David.

So, there are my Remembrances. I love Jesus and how He highlights our journeys  as we grow in closer to Him. He’s the Best!

a Pruned Branch

A time has come for me to step back out into serving. A few years ago, I stopped serving because I was burnt out. I had nothing to give, nor was I receiving anything to fill me up. Much was being asked, but bitterness was setting in and serving was too much. I took my hand out and decided to sit back until I felt it was safe. Well, three years later, the doors of my heart are being opened.

I was asked by a previous pastor, “If you could do anything in the church, what would it be?” I said “Pray“.

I was newly introduced to a prayer movement, and signed up for prayer and believed that it was just as effective as serving in any other ministry.

The Lord showed me a picture the other night of my “Prayer Branch“. I devoted myself to prayer and withdrew from all other ministries. I didn’t even want to go to church gatherings or potlucks, or volunteer in any way to set up before church or greet at church. I was so tired of doing things and serving others. But serving God with prayer was just up my ally. I essentially “pruned” some areas, and thus my “Prayer Branch”.

The Lord spoke to my heart this past Sunday about being in a place of laboring. Shelley had a fantastic sermon that stirred up some old emotions. The past three years I have been serving through prayer, and it’s been awesome; I am learning who I am and my identity in Christ, and my confidence is boosted through communing with God, which allows me to pray for others as they labor and serve the Church.

But there is something about serving. When I humble myself and I start to consider others greater than me, my heart becomes alive, because it is no longer I who live, but it’s Christ living within me, and serves others. As Jesus washed our feet and let us partner with Him, we are to also follow His example and serve in what ever capacity that means. Jesus knew the Word of God, He labored in the place of prayer, and contended for righteousness, strength, wisdom… First for His Disciples, and second, for everyone.

John 17 is Jesus’ greatest prayer ever!He prayed for those whom He was given.

With that said, I felt like the Lord was inviting me to serve again, saying it’s time to work on other parts of my “tree” or “shrubbery” or whatever we have that bears fruit of the Spirit.We will see what is in store. I am contending to be an Oak or Righteousness and to be unmovable and unshakable, having roots in the Love of God and able to withstand what ever the enemy may throw my way or my own self my fight against, so that I can be found faithful when Christ returns, ( Luke 18.8).

It’s a good life. I have to learn to live with a contending heart for more of God.

Longing for the Day

When I was young and a new believer ( I was saved when I was 12). I grew up not knowing a lot because it wasn’t a Christian home, but I started catching on to different phrases that the youth group I was involved with said.  things like, “God’s gonna throw you up!” or “I want to be a loser for Jesus”. These are fine because they are biblical, but this one came up the other day, “I came into the world naked, I guess I’ll leave the world naked”.

That’s all fine and well to some people. And to an extent, Christan’s shouldn’t be worried about what we wear or what we will eat as  Jesus encourages us in Matthew 6. But the Lord gripped my spirit with 2 Cor 4.7- 5.7 yesterday.

As I read the book of Revelation, I see that not only are our prayers rising to heaven and the Lord is hearing and responding, he wants to give us robes that are white, spotless, “Then a white robe was given to each of them; and it was said to them that they schould rest a little while longer…” (rev. 6.11)

I think that believers today have a skewed view of what we are living for, in the here and now. I remember driving down the street in high school thinking that if I died today, I would be ok with that. Why? Because if Jesus is going to come back and take us up before any tribulation, then why not die now. If my job was to only accept Jesus into my heart, than that is what I did and my job is complete.

There were many reasons why I never actually did it. I was a typical teenager going through life. But one reason was I had heard that it was selfish to kill yourself because it would cause all this grief and heartache in my family, and well if I was going to be with Jesus I would be ok, but I didn’t want my family to be sad. Well this isn’t about suicide or rather, just wanting to be with my Creator. It’s about receiving a gift from Jesus.

“For we know that if our earthly house, this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this we groan, earnestly  desiring to be clothed with our habitation with is from heaven, if in deed, having been clothed, we shall not be found naked. For we who are in this tent groan, being burdened, not because we want to be unclothed, but further clothed, that mortality may be swallowed up by life.” 2 Corinthians 5.1-5

More than not caring about this world and what it has to offer, I desire to long for the things which Jesus wants to give us. Through the letters to the churches in Rev 2-3, Jesus recognizes their good works, bad works and encourages them to seek after the things He spoke to them. Even telling the Laodiceans to buy gold from Him, be clothed so you aren’t ashamed of being naked, and get eye salve so you can see. And if Jesus says buy from Him, I better be getting on my face asking Him how I can. If He speaks, I want to listen and obey.

With all this said, I am:

1. encouraged that Jesus wants to use me to bring people into His Kingdom (because we will go through some of the tribulation in Rev 6-15) and I have a purpose so I don’t want to die. If anything I join in prayer with the saints, “the Spirit and the Bride say come” Rev 22.17, crying out for Jesus to return back to this earth.

2. I want to be found with my white robe of righteousness, having done all that I can to love those around me with the love that Jesus gave me. Hoping that many people will come into the  Kingdom.

I long for Jesus to return. I miss Him. Life isn’t right until We are with Jesus. Until the two are one, that Ephesians 1.9-10 says. I am longing for the day and am lovesick.

For Fun

Well, It’s been a few weeks.

David-Andrew and I are in a class called “Song of Solomon” taught by Matt & Dana Candler. It’s been good. As we have been at IHOP, we have heard many things, but they usually are based on one of three themes: Intimacy, Forerunner message, and end-times. I am excited about learning end-times, and the Forerunner message (John the Baptist model), but I don’t really get Intimacy. You would think that being newly married would give me a greater idea of God’s affections for me, but it’s different. I have always view SoS between me and the Lord and cannot really grasp that book between a man and a wife. 

With that said, I was really excited to audit this class. It is hard because I don’t really get it, but I am excited about how the Lord will reveal more as we ask for increase of Him and what He thinks and feels. 

So when you read/sing the Song of All Songs, ask God how He feels about you and how He is maturing you. His removal of His presence is more for us that we would seek him and not a disapproval of us. He is drawing us away.